“I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that it’s a 4 star restaurant. I want to think M&M’s are better than money because you can eat them. I want to return to a time when life was simple. When all you knew were colors, …, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you because you didn’t know what you didn’t know and you didn’t care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible….I want to be… overly excited by the little things again. … I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice peace, dreams, …, and making angels in the snow….I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause… Tag! You’re it.”
My daughter’s teacher circulated this to the parents when she was in second grade. The teacher received it from a friend via email and the author is unknown. But, what a smart person this author must be! Thankfully, children are not small adults and their self-centered view of the world protects them from the emotional turmoil we all feel during a horrible disaster, regardless of the nature of the event. Not only is that the way it should be but what we must all work hard at preserving.
So, should you even tell your child about current events? Absolutely. But, keep it simple and age appropriate. Small children, preschoolers and kindergarteners, really should not be told about anything so horrific as the shuttle exploding or the possibility of war with Iraq – both are far too terrifying for a small child. For this age group, you may need to let them know that something scary occurred in the world but that everyone they know is safe and that they are safe.
As children get older, what you tell them will of course become more detailed. For all children, including teenagers, its important that you keep your discussions simple and that you don’t overexpose them to the media. Many experts feel that if a child is going to see a traumatic image, a parent should be present and this is sound advice for all of us to follow.
Keep in mind that in the case of horrific, tragic events, the absolute truth may be too overwhelming for a young child. Most developmental experts advocate downplaying these catastrophic events when talking to children. Instead of focusing on the details of the event, redirect the conversation to focus on their safety and security.
Imagine that you are playing ball with your child – but the ball is a world that just experienced something bad. You look at the ball and see the event, remember past events, and think ahead to what may happen next – and then become a bit anxious. When our children look at the ball, they see the event, want to know that those they love are fine, whether soccer is still happening that day, and wonder what they will do tomorrow with their friends.
My advice for the future: try playing ball like your kids do for a bit – not only will it help you keep recent and future events in perspective but will help your children play longer by their rules and not ours.
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